Secret life of an American Ginger

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Karch Calkins
Eagle StaffCalkins Grayscale

Being a ginger at St. Thomas is the most epic

experience in the world. Constantly being told

you have no soul and having people stick food on

your head to warm it up is always the highlight of

my day.

As a freshman, freshmen I was ignorant of the

common man’s fascination with the ginger.

I was called a ginger a few times in middle school,and did not know where it came from.

By the time that the first month of school was over I had been called: “ginger, ginge, soulless ginger,

bonfire, fire, burning bush, fire ball, Ron Weasley, fire head, stop drop and roll, el fuego, big red,

spice rack, match head, the orange goblin, Ghengis Kahn and lava head.”

What made me understand where the ginger obsession came from was when someone showed me the

episode from South Park called Park, “Ginger Kids.”

In this episode, Cartman gives a speech about gingers in a school project.

As a result, gingers are treated as outcasts. Cartman then gets turned into a ginger by his friends as a

joke. To try and solve this issue, Cartman goes to the doctor who tells him that has “gingervitus” and

should be put down.

Now thinking that he is a ginger, Cartmen rallies all the other gingers, now the superior of the “hair

races.” Now Cartmen must convince all the gingers that are heated up over exterminating all races

that everyone is equal.

I would like to tell you that this is true, but it is not. Gingers are superior to all others.

After seeing this, I first thought that it was offensive, but after a few minutes of thought I realized how

that is simply a plebeian attempt at bringing a superior man down.

People generally make fun of gingers in good fun and not in a “discriminatory” manor that kid from

the “Gingers do have souls!” video would leave you to believe.

The memory that will stick out most in my mind from being a ginger at STH came my freshman year

after a morning basketball practice.

Now, as a senior, I would honestly find that funny, but as a freshman I was terrified.

Over time I have grown to figure out why regular men felt the need to attack a superior being, but

then I realized that it a feeble attempt to put themselves on the same level as me through petty jokes

and funny snapchats with my hair flaming up.

Their efforts while valiant, remained futile. My soulless self will always remain above anyone who

tries to bring me down.

Overall, being a ginger is an incredible privilege, and at an establishment such as St. Thomas, my

passion really shines through.

Don’t forget that National kick-a-ginger day is on October 20.

 

 

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