Jock Life: With great power comes great responsibility


They say the only place to go when you are at the top is down.

But jocks care not about being at the top or being at the bottom. Jocks care about being jocks. To understand a jock, it is necessary to understand exactly what being a jock means. The dictionary definition of jock is: an enthusiastic athlete or sports fan, especially one with few other interests.

But jocks refuse to read dictionaries. So that definition is in a way a paradox, and thus irrelevant. Therefore we can only truly understand a jock by being one. But without understanding what being a jock means, one cannot be a jock. The circular nature of this would confuse a regular man, but being a jock allows one to not really care about that.

Being a jock, it does not matter. However, a jock is not an athlete. An athlete trains hard everyday, trying to be the best they can be. A jock works biceps every day and squats twice a month, and then chills with other jocks in the dugout. Being called a jock is a badge of honor on par with the Naval Reserve Meritorious Service medal, a great privilege.

Becoming a jock is not easy. You are only a jock when another jock says you are. But that is official, to really be a jock you do not become a jock, you just are one. Senior Zachary Zubel underwent an initiation recently to become an honorary jock, crushing an empty soda can against his head. “It hurt more than I thought it would,” Zubel said. But with great power comes great responsibility.

Jocks do not simply get to just chill. They have to run the social life at St. Thomas. You can find senior Jack Schrimsher, a jock and FJ Cruiser enthusiast, at every home football game. “Real jocks support other jocks” Schrimsher said. “I like to watch them play and make jokes on the sidelines. Then I drive home in my FJ Cruiser blasting my jams. Look for me at games, I’m the guy in the Costas.” Jocks are pretty cool guys. Jack “Golden Leg” Brady is a jock, and he beat Strake, and that was pretty cool. Jocks hate Strake.

“I mean they are just not chill at all. I hate those guys.”

-Thi Mai ’15

At the end of the Strake game, many of the only seniors who were still there were in fact jocks. Jocks do not mess with other jocks. You will not see jocks pushing each other around in the hallway or making fun of each other. You will see them doing the jock handshake and discussing any parties this weekend.

Do not even try to be a Jock. It is not something you can just stumble into. You have to be born a jock to be a jock. Jocks can tell who is a jock, so false prophets and posers are a non issue for the kings of the social ladder. Being a jock, I can tell you that it is definitely pretty chill.

Walking through the hallway is like walking through my palace. Every water fountain, every bathroom, is my domain. Jocks run social life. In other groups, members all bring something different to the table. But not the jocks. We all don’t care about what the others are doing because we are jocks. To reiterate, Jocks don’t care.