Recently a new phenomenon has broken out amongst the student body. Some refer to it as a sport, but those involved will quickly inform you that it is definitely a life style.
Yes, I am talking about lacrosse, or “lax” as most people refer to it. But the question that arises is how does one become a lax bro?
Becoming a lax bro is quite complex. Being a lax bro is way more than just playing lacrosse.
“Honestly, it takes nothing to be a lax bro. Those who are bros, were predestined at the beginning of time to be bros. You can’t make a conscious decision to be a bro or not a bro. You can’t even make a subconscious decision to do so.”
-Bryan Stieneker, Senior
According to junior lax bro Pete Huggins, “To be a lax bro you need to have three things, especially at the club level: mad lettuce, a killer spoon and great lady skills.” For those of you who do not know, “lettuce” refers to the “mystical flow” possessed only by true lax bros.
A “spoon” is a slang word for a players lacrosse stick. Having these two essential things is 80% of what it takes to star in lacrosse. The other 20% of being a lax bro comes from the everyday necessary character traits one must have.
“I wake up, throw a penny on, rock my flow society shorts and slip my socked feet into my Adidas sandals,” senior Will Kinney said. “Oh and you can never forget your spoon.”
It is very apparent that to be a lax bro you must be very dedicated to the life style it demands. The life style is not easily attained, it takes years to perfect and master. For many lax bros, its considered a gift from God to be given the life of a lax bro.
“In my opinion, to be a lax bro, one cannot simply play lacrosse. That would be ridiculous. In order to follow the way of the Bro, you have to embrace the culture and act like a bro. That means growing out your hair, constantly giving the shaka hand sign and responding to everyone with “righteous” or “gnarley,” but preferably both at the same time.”
-Will Kinney, Senior
It is easy to locate a lax bro by their clothing. “The usual clothing choices includes always wearing boat shoes, mid calves, nice shorts, a retro snapback, croakies and a killer pair of shades,” junior Carr Burgoyne said.
Another easy indication that a lax bro is in your area is the window shattering volume of their dubstep music.
“If you wear cargos, you’re not a bro,” Stieneker said. “If you don’t wear sunglasses 24/7, you’re not a bro. If you have to ask if you’re a bro, then you’re not a bro.”
Some important things to remember for those of y’all who are striving to be lax bros:
First, “You do not choose the Bro life, the Bro life chooses you.”
Second, “One thing that is essential to being a bro is to pray to Flowseidon. He is the god of Flow. He is the god who gives the bros their luscious flow. We must listen to his teachings and embrace him in our lives.”
Third, and most important, “Lacrosse is not about how good you are; it’s about how good you look when you play.”
Lastly, you have to face the facts, lax bros are on the rise and chances are you are not elite enough to even be considered one.