5IVE WORST

394

By John Keusenkothen
Eagle Staff

The past year was filled with movies that impacted the world greatly. Legendary movies were

produced while during the same year some absolute rubbish was also generated. These movies are the

types of movies that are so rough that you just want and have to watch them at least once. These five

movies are determined to be the worst of the year, yet you have to give them.

Septic Man

Less scary than watching your toilet drain and more farfetched then “Flushed Away.” This movie is a

complete waste of time. What could have been a sickening exploitation film is simply a confusing bore

that reeks. The movies cheap scares fail due to its tedious and meaningless arguments with characters

that no one cares about. The worst part about the film is how ingenuous and creepy the first scene is,

but after three minutes, (four if you are caught off-guard) the only excitement there will be until the

end is the urge to puke. Personal Rating 1/10

The Legend of Hercules

Out of all the Hercules themed movies this film is simply the worst. Winning the award for most plot

holes this year, the story is simply laughable in the same way a Uwe Boll movie is. Throughout the

completely made up and backwards story you will not find redemption themes nor violence but

curiosity on how many cents the green-screens and extras cost. The actor playing Hercules is better

off staying in the fandom of twi-hards, because at least in that botched trilogy his performance is

passable. Rating 1/10

Leprechaun Origins

 

The Leprechaun movies were never really good. Leprechauns 1-3 were decent horror comedies with a

cheesy, but forgivable atmosphere. Leprechaun 4 was trash in the same way Jason X was. (In Space)

Leprechauns 5-6 added more stereotypical elements, but were fun nonetheless. A little over 10 years

later “Origins” does everything wrong. The first problem is they replace Warwick Davis with WWE

fighter Dylan Postl. Secondly, they make it a straight up horror, meaning no comedy. Third, the plot

is an Evil Dead rip off with Irish people and a ransom. Forth, It is not even an origins story. The film

is an un-ironic disaster. Rating 1/10

Authors Anonymous

“Is there any saving grace in this film? Chris Klein is in it. His performance is the only reason this film

is not a “1/10.” A movie about overnight success in writing, this movie is about as dull as reading its

script. The movie drags along as the film tries to establish a couple’s romantic aspects while they are

in constant conflict with each other. Predictable and slapped together very cheaply, nothing about

this film keeps the viewer’s attention. The characters are not relatable, which is odd considering how

clichéd they are. Go read “Moby Dick” or “War and Peace.” At least there you will find character

development. Personal Rating 2/10

Annie

This is a remake of a movie from the hit play that originated from a comic strip. Annie (2014) lacks

what charm any other medium had. In simple terms this movie is nothing but a cash grab with

A-Quality Actors and no quality humor. Kids under 12 will probably eat it up but its stale plot and

cliché filled content will make it a dull experience. The film leaves your mind as soon as you walk out

of it leaving only “It’s a Hard Knock Life” stuck in your head. Personal Rating 2/10

 

 

 

 

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John Keusenkothen is a senior at St. Thomas and is the resident movie expert of The Eagle. Keusenkothen will answer any question about movies unless one asks him what his favorite is. His favorite holiday is National Nothing Day, (January 16th) and his favorite role model is himself. Approach with caution and possibly with chocolate milk.

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