FAIR OR ‘FOWL’? For some, the Chick-fil-A pickle is essential. To others, an abomination.

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Chew with your mind open

Henry Fisher

Henry Fisher


It has happened to all of us, and it is a terrible moment as a consumer. The painful realization that your favorite dish or meal is no longer what it used to be at one of your favorite restaurants. This is what it would be like if one was to be the unfortunate soul that happened to bite into a famous Chick fil-A sandwich without the pickles.

It is an unthinkable atrocity, and should never be considered. The pickle is the part of the sandwich that true Chick-fil-A fanatics look forward to when they order this fast food legend. The pickle adds so many things to the sandwich that prevent the blandness of just plain chicken and bun.

The pickle adds texture. The crunch of a perfectly breaded breast accompanied by a cucumber soaked in vinegar brings a savory masterpiece. The sandwich would be a lost cause without the pickle. It brings an entirely different dimension to the sandwich’s feel in your mouth with the soft breaded breasts’ meaty flavor and the tangy flavor of a sliced gherkin.

I will admit that plain chicken nuggets are also delicious, but that is a completely different entity. There is a reason that the “Original Chicken Sandwich” is made the way it is. Truett Cathy, the founder of this glorious establishment, decided to garnish his sandwiches with the pickle for the very reasons I get excited when I bite into it.

The pickle adds flavor. The pickle serves as a blast of flavor to the taste buds. Its zesty dill flavor sends my world into shock. It is like you unleashed a savory pack of pop rocks in your mouth to accompany the fleshy goodness of the white meat chicken.

The pickle also helps you digest your fried, finger licking good chicken. Truett Cathy would agree that his plain chicken is good, but the pickle and its acidity helps to digest the thick and greasy poultry. Without pickles it is almost certain that you will encounter hours of indigestion and some time on the porcelain train. The pickle prevents these hours of pain, clenching, and downright suffering.

If you make the poor decision to not dress your sandwich with the pickle then you should heed my warning. Pepsid AC or Tums would be a good thing to carry in your murse. Real men order their sandwich with the pickle.

Men who dare greatly order the pickle. I saw a commercial over the weekend during a football game that depicted a man ordering a sandwich with extra pickles. All I can say about that is he decided to take his manliness to a whole new level.

The pickle is great, and you can further improve your sandwich by adding a sauce or condiment. Buffalo sauce is a favorite of mine that I greatly enjoy.

The importance of sandwich enhancement is paramount these days because our society is given so many options to douse your eats with.

Chick-fil-A has a stout choice that is overlooked by many, but they should chew with their minds open and give it a chance.

This is Chick-fil-A sauce. It goes perfectly with the pickles of gods because it is a sweet medley of honey mustard and mayonnaise.

The pickle really is divine. I understand that some people are close-minded and afraid to challenge the world, but they should break out of their little shell and try this unparalleled and unique flavor.

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Pickle destroys Texas food staple

Peter Huggins

Capture


The argument that is being discussed in this issue is of monumental importance. Taking precedence over politics and sports, the great Pickle Chicken Debate has begun.

There is no middle ground to be taken on this issue, much like a presidential election.

Apparently, there are heathens in this world who enjoy pickles on their Chick-fil-A chicken sandwiches. I am here to tell you that there are few ideas in this world that are more incorrect than pickles on a chicken sandwich.

The pickle has no purpose. Not only does the pickle compromise the taste of the chicken, this unwanted veggie causes the bread to taste like pickle as well.

Ruining the bread is a sin in of itself. Prior to the pickle the bun is a flaky, buttery gift similar to the manna sent down by God as the Israelites wandered the desert.

Aside from the taste, the pickle emits a disgusting odor that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Opening the bag of the chicken sandwich and wafting its heavenly aroma is almost as satisfying as the act of consuming this pickle-free masterpiece.

When I ask pickle-lovers why they enjoy pickles on their sandwiches, many say that pickles belong on a chicken sandwich. I reject this statement.

Pickles have a time and place in American cuisine, but that place, thankfully, is not located on the chicken sandwich. I will allow that pickles can make a good hamburger into a great one, and pickle spears have been and always will be a staple in deli menus.

The sandwich we are talking about, however, is not full of hormone fed beef or week-old pastrami. Meanwhile, the sandwich of discussion, the Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich, is comprised of a perfectly fried, crunchy, delicious piece of white meat chicken.

By putting a vinegar soaked cucumber on this sandwich, the world is desecrating a holy figure in the common American’s daily menu. Speaking of holiness, if Jesus came back right now, he would most definitely choose a chicken sandwich sans pickles.

My evidence behind this statement is solid: Jesus hated pickles. Rumor has it that pickles were very popular in Sodom and Gomorra.

Therefore, should one decide to consume a chicken sandwich that contains pickles, the result would extremely unfortunate for them. I will let the reader come to his own conclusion on what this previous statement means.

My counterpart, Henry Fisher, is hopelessly lost in life. He is, in fact, lost in the Chick-fil-A sauce. There is no reason that a sane person should ever choose pickles instead of plain.

There is no debate to be had and there is no case against mine. A Chick-fil-A sandwich sans pickles is the only option for those who wish to keep their food
choices classy.

With God as my witness, I say here today that I will show these pickle chicken infidels the light. They are in desperate need of saving.

In closing, I guess it is not fair to expect everybody to know that a plain chicken sandwich is far superior.  Some people are just raised differently.

I do believe, however, that this manner is incredibly incorrect and a tad un-American to boot.

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