Time machine provides first-hand learning experiences

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by Will Rose
Eagle Staff

I have a time machine, a ticket to any place or time, and a freedom that no one has ever had. I can see the Romans, I can see Atlantis, and I can figure out who took the huge dump in the main building last year at St. Thomas – freshman you all will not understand.

Anything people want to know I can figure out and I can see it with my own two eyes.

This is going to be the journey of a lifetime.

First I will start my journey in Ancient Rome.

I have always wanted to see Italy, under Roman rule, because we hear our teachers drone on about how the Romans were the basis of Western civilization, whatever that means.

I push buttons turn dials and finally I get to press that big red button we all want to press. It is basically the size of my face. There is some sort of rumbling noise and vibrations.

I close the hatch and all of a sudden everything stops. I reopen the hatch and there it is, the Collosseum.

All I hear are screams and chants.

The two years of Latin I learned at school is not helping me, at all.

There are people staring at me and I have no idea why.

It must be the Columbia Performance Fishing Gear shirt, blue Brooks Brothers corduroys and Sperry Top-Siders I had on for as my outfit for the day.

As I start walking toward the massive games structure I notice a clothing store unlike any I have ever seen before in Texas.

To my surprise, the store did not have a double extra large toga, so I kept on walking in my casual St. Thomas apparel.

As I entered the coliseum the crowd went silent around me, and they started chanting what seemed to translate into, “Put him in!”.

So I quickly decided to run out as fast as I could, because I did not want any part of fighting against somebody bigger than senior Alex Snyder with a sword.

Once again, my six second flat forty time was not helping. I made my way back to the monstrous device.

I started turning dials and pressing every button I could see.

I could hear the crowds starting to form outside, but then I remembered the big red button.

I smacked that red beauty with a tear in my eye.

The vibrations and the noises started again. Then there was silence, and I finally took a long sigh of relief.

I had just sent my time machine into a wild spin into the space-time continuum.

I had no idea where I was going and I felt a little sweaty from all the running I had done running away from the coliseum. I smelled like a dirty, wet, disgusting dog.

As I felt the machine come to a stop and it was even quieter, I quickly but cautiously opened the hatch.

I could hear what seemed to be a beach, and birds were making strange noises. I could feel the strong humidity on my skin, because I have lived in Texas all my life humidity was not unusual.

But, when I stepped out I noticed a rain forest was all around me and the device had come to rest on a hill. Down the hill I noticed a lake with some kind of island in the middle.

I noticed that the island had a city on it, and causeways going from the edge of the lake the island.

I quickly realized that the city on the Island was the ancient city of the Aztecs, Tenochtitlan.

Maybe, the Aztecs would think I was a god or something. I started walking down the hill towards the giant causeway, and noticed a group of short men with swords and spears.

As they started running towards me I had only a short amount of time to think of something. Father Glass’s lectures about human sacrifice started rushing through my memory, and that made me think faster.

I finally thought to get out my Iphone, and proceeded turn it on.

As the Aztec warriors grew closer and closer I turned on my flashlight app on my iPhone.

The LED bulb turned on and the warriors came to a screeching halt.

I had stopped them for a second and quickly started waving my arms and screaming like Coach Fitzpatrick during the football game against St. Pius X.

Then these warriors knelt and started worshipping me.

I prayed to God that my phone would not die for the next couple of hours.

I was an Aztec god and living on a prayer, and I needed my phone to keep my godlike status.

As the warriors and I made our way down the causeway to the city they started mumbling and chanting, but I had no idea what it was they were saying.

We reached the city after 15 minutes of walking.

The PFG was working wonders, because the humidity was almost unbearable.

As we walked through the solid gold gates, all the Aztecs were chanting the same thing as the warriors and I believed it to be a chant to worship the supreme being I was.

We then come to a temple.

As we begin to walk up the steep steps of the structure I begin to notice blood stains on the steps, then a head rolls past me.

A severed, bloody head that had blood coming out of it, and that is when I knew I was in trouble.

To be continued…

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