Recently, students have reported hearing a new language. No one quite knows what it is, or has ever heard anything like it before. Some sort of strange, ancient or possibly futuristic vernacular.
This language is said to be derived from the athletes of a certain field sport, lacrosse to be exact. The sport’s athletes are infamous for going against the grain when it comes to popular culture. They adhere to no fads but the ones they create themselves. So much so that they have created their own form of communication. One that is unlike any other, and only recognized by a clan of only lacrosse brethren.
Among the many lax bros around campus, junior Riley Lam is considered one of the most influential of them out there. He is known for being bilingual, speaking English and “Bro”, a language commonly used among lacrosse players. When asked about his most recent game he responded in this mysterious verbiage.
To those who have no idea what the above sentence meant, worry not young goons, Captain Lam offered an explanation. “So basically top ched pertains to the top portion of the goal, this is where I live obviously. And then tilt is how the helmet is positioned on the head. It should be right at eye level, anything above or below is not acceptable and will be made a mockery of,” Lam said.
Apparently pasteurized milk is popular among those who participate in the sport. Cheddar, swiss, colby jack, provolone, American, and the ever so popular Gouda.
“Bottom pie” is also another popular term in the language. “You would have to ask someone else about bottom pie, I only rip top ched,” said Riley Lam.
Apparently bottom pie pertains to the bottom portion of the goal. Most players prefer prime cheese because of undisclosed reasons. “The only way I rip prime Gouda is with my dank spoon. That’s “bro” for the stick, composed of the shaft and the head. I prefer my shaft stiff and my head threaded with a medium pocket for mad cradle control” said Riley.
Lax talk continues to expand, especially with the increase in popularity of the sport.